Summer Shock: BLOCKED

             

             During the past few weeks, I have devoted much of my on digging horror films. I was trapped in a pile of movies to a point where I can’t choose what to watch or what to watch first. Summer makes me a lot shallow indeed. During school days, I am accustomed to choose between having the Occasional Paper before reviewing for Structure of English. It was crap. You’re torn between two major pillars and the question is… where to be scourged first.

                This intense dilemma is to be taken with full consideration and mediation, as if I am in a Conclave voting for the right Shepherd. Mediation is a time termite that tends to consume my working hour for both the Occasional Paper and Structure of English.  But in summer, dilemmas are off to the usual weight of school days yet it still takes an entire span of attention. Questions meddle from going to bath what time which ends to showering at midnight. Sometimes I vow to read one book on inspiration for a tougher spirituality. The feeling becomes elevated, I begin perspiring. I stop in the fear of an emotional breakdown. As my eyes scroll deeper and deeper into the bottom of the page, the fear exacerbates. My grip on the book was like a snapping alligator. I force myself to stop reading the book. Then I arrive at an internal monologue, “Stop, Ian… stop it!” I induce the idea that my mind, emotion and the whole of my being cannot handle the ideas or scenes in the book. As I close the book and leave the chapters that almost changed the course of my life, I suddenly realize I am reading a novel with a handful of murder scenes not quite inspirational. 

                As the summer approaches, I have with me this distinct grin. The grin that promises that I can do what I want – Writing. I picture summer as the ultimate liberation as if I were an Israelite freed from making Egyptian pyramids and other queer statues. Liberation from the school related works on the risk of burning brow and even money. This imagery of a writing spree vacation becomes fantasy staying on mind. The fantasy becomes too beneficial instead of being a waste of time. It serves as my daily motivation to work at the last drop of my blood for the school year. When you’re at this age the highest award you want is not an academic distinction or money. It’s the vacation that matters (at least for me). It’s the carrot that the dumb donkey is wandering for.

                When summer shocks you, it overwhelms! Too overwhelming I stick against the fantasy. I resort to sleeping. As a result I change my body clock’s landscape. I become nocturnal. Then, I question the existence of a body clock. Personally, the summer shock ruins every plan I have in mind, the longed fantasy. Instead of writing, I shut myself to darkness. And the bad thing of sleeping for a lengthy duration is waking up catatonic. I’m like the Walking Dead extra. I don’t care of the people around me. My brain seems to be shaken… it has a different weight. I assert for an earth of myself. My mood is like expired juice (taste one!) My mind bulb enlightens me. The light leads me to Facebook and Twitter. My day is wasted, to a point of refreshing twitter for interactions or Facebook for notifications. When there’s nothing, I refresh the computer hoping there’s one new feed. Zero! I start to blame the sluggish net.

                School days deprives us of the fitness and the shape we owe to the beauty of nature. It hurts but yes we owe it to nature. My body is too stuck to paper works and studying so begins to bulge. Do I have cancer? I don’t know. One thing in mind, I need to exercise. I take the mindset of waking up early for a jog the following day. This tomorrow turns to be stationary till the school days break its silence. The fitness summer fails and I gain more weight.  

                I have also this agitation that I want to meet my classmates urgently to share my shameful summer shocks. Tell them I saw a long list of horror films and I wasn’t able to watch even one. I really miss  all classmates of different levels of profundity: stupid, more stupid and most stupid. You just want to talk with them, hoping they have silly stories too.  

                Summer is not still consumed by time. I hope to get more fun with it. Have a life.